Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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