My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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