i just google imaged poop.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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