You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
