So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
