i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
