i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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