I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
