Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
