I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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