we have officially lost it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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