I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
