That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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