went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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