I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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