I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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