I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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