It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
