Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
