So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
