I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
