Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
