tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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