FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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