I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Four minutes until I can fart!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
