talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
