OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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