who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
