Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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