At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
