You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Say something about gay babies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
