How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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