honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
