in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
