i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
