she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
