it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
