We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
