Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
