I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
