Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
