I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
