@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
