a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
