My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i think my cat just said my name.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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