I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
