you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
