so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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