Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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