So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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