Cold hands, warm shart.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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